Notorious-ly Annoying

I know, what a weird, semi-deviant looking picture, right? Of course, like most of the pictures I've used so far in this blog, I took it off of the internet. And I thought it was appropriate for this rant.

So Keiffer and I go to the movies. He wanted to see the new B.I.G. cinematic masterpiece. Let me say, that the movie itself was pretty good. I was cringing throughout the movie to see how overly-dramatic or poorly acted this probably-should-have-been-straight-to-dvd-BET-nighttime-classic. I was happily surprised. The plot, though obviously unsurprising at the end, brought new insight to me on this mans' life. Of course I knew that there would be at least one collage of stage performances. I expected to see the pre-requisite sex scene, P.Diddy's guffawing and semi-gay spinning with arms flailing-stage dance routine, and to hear every cuss word ever uttered on the streets of Brooklyn. Check. The drugs, mysogyny, and street-lifestyle that I coudn't relate to from my own experience also were things I realized were a part of his life and would be in the film. Check. What I didn't expect was to like the movie and leave surprised.

So I'm sitting in this theater trying to make out what is being said and decipher in my head street slang to english, and I hear this couple behind me start the inevitable talking. I didn't expect a lot of things and did some things, but this thing--the constant talking during the movie--I not only expected it, but braced myself as much as I could for it. That is *bleeping* annoying.

This jerk and his jerk girlfriend talked through the entire movie. He was a wanna-be rapster that lost his way and ended up with his dreams dashed but his confidence in overdrive. He decided that he should try out his lack of skills with his talkative cheeseball girlfriend, who for some reason, was deceived in the notion that she knew each famous person portrayed on screen.

Their conversations were so lame. At one point they exchanged advice on whether the actress protraying Lil' Kim portrayed her accurately.
Huh!?!? The actress was portraying Lil' Kim. A woman with an abbreviated adjective as her surname. Lil' Kim is not a thespian with acting skills that were studied under the tutelage of award winning performers. This is Lil' Kim. A woman who's claim to fame is the recital of songs with lyrics that read like a night on the town with a sperm rag: "Bum b****** know better than to start sh**. N***** love a hard b****. One that get up in a n****'s a** quicker than an enema. Make a cat bleed then sprinkle it with vinegar"

Ah, modern day Shakespeare this woman is.

The entire length of the movie, I had to listen to Beevis and Butthead. There was so many thoughts that ran through my head. The first included twist ties, a dirty rag and a meat tenderizer. It was ridiculous.

I made it through and got out of the theaters and calmer head prevailed. But I must voice that if you watch this movie, make sure to have the ushers or theater manager on speed dial.