Ice Skating Is For The Outdoors

So if you've never seen snow fall, then you probably have never seen ice on the ground. And if you've never seen ice on the ground, then surely you haven't walked on it. Let me introduce you to Yak Trax. There are very few products that I'd take the time to write a review. Unless it was a bad review. Oh, yeah. I'll take the time. It's so much easier to complain and write about something that sucks. It's inate in most human beings to bitch and moan. Have you ever seen reviews of any movie lately? The reviews that most people remember and re-read are the ones where the plot is scrutinized and the actors are reduced to tears. People love tearing down others. So, like movies, if you were to ever check out any product on Amazon.com, you'll see that all of the reviews are mostly from people who are pissed off with their purchase. Well, not me.

Every winter since I've moved to the Big Apple, I've fallen. That's twice a year. I've fallen at least twice a year. And when I fall, I do it dramatic-style. All you see is hands flailing, and all you hear is a thud, the sound likened to two 20 lb. sacks of rice dropped from the back of a pick up. But add to this mental picture, cold snow, at least twenty people around, and the thought that I will have to walk down the rest of the way to wherever I'm going wth my back covered in snow. Yeah, that's attractive.

So I was at work a few weeks back and a co-worker talked about this product. Now I didn't pay it much mind while she spoke about it, mainly because I was in the middle of doing something else and it hadn't snowed, so I didn't 'need' to know the information.

Then I took a spillage down the stairs walking towards the subway. It was like the numerous other times I've fallen, except I was fortunate enough to sprawl out on my back right as the uptown and downtown trains both emptied onto the platform. Lovely.

'Bravo!', I heard in my mind. 'Cirque De Soleil is in town! And they have full-sized clowns too!' It couldn't have happened to another person at a better time. I peeled myself off of the grimy steps. And as I limped away with my hand on my lower back and struggling to pull my pride out of my shoes, I thought how awful it would be if to add insult to injury, the back of my pants and jacket was wet and imprinted with wet marks from the steps of shame.

I got home, and my only consolation was that I fell for the season. I checked it off my list of things-to-do, and it was accomplised as predicted. One down, one to go. I limped into my apartment, turned on QVC, and bless God, there on the t.v. was some woman with way too much make-up selling Yak Trax! How awesome was that? God surely was smiling down at me. I ordered a pair and decided that now I'd be ready for the next wave of snow and ice.

Two weeks later, forecast was for up to 5 inches of snow and ice. Yes, I was ready! I was prepared for the impending storm that was headed to the Tri-state area. I was done with my mornng shower and just got on all my clothes, when I decided that since it was already snowing, it was probably best to put on my new yak trax and head on downstairs so that I could get to my bus stop in time.

As I locked up the front door and made my way down the hallway, the metal wires on the bottom of the trax, the key, critical portion of that fantastic device that was designed to keep all wearers upright, malfunctioned. Well, reading the instructions later that afternoon, it didn't really malfunction as much as it was created to handle walking on ice, but not on any other smooth services like tile, marble, and wood floors. As you may surmise, I slipped and fell smack dab on the left side of my body. My no slipping device caused me to slip and fall on my arse again.

Did I miss something? That's like making an impenetrable bullet proof jacket that protects from fire, sharp objects, speeding cars and direct electrical current, but has one unfortunate design flaw--that being that it doesn't block bullets!!!

Suffice it to say, I made it to work, and forgot my fear of falling on that hallway floor. No longer will I fall in public. I have my impenetrable shoe appliance. But, I will be writing a review on QVC. And it won't be pretty.

Yak Traxx....get em so you don't fall. On the outside.