72nd Warrior

Friday, July 30th @ 6:03pm

I'm sitting here and about to write a blog, and I wanted to focus it on shoes, and the abundantly different types there are on people walking by me. I was going to title it--Shoes: The Home of the Sole. And sort of relate the individuality of each personal choice with the diversity of each person's 'sole' (soul). I sat at the 72nd Street Station across from a saxophone musician, and my thoughts turned to him. I say 'musician' rather than 'player' or 'saxophonist', because he looks as though life has given him many opportunities to work out life lessons and challenges--opportunities to channel his lifes triumphs and tragedies and engage in his musical abilities.

With every breath he took in while resting in between sets, I could feel the heaviness of a life lived hard. Or at least a life lived on his terms. Covered in black from head to toe, he appeared to be the reincarnation of The Man In Black. Sans the tailored shirt, fitted cowboy hat and darkly religious lyrics. Oddly enough, he sported a baby blue and white baseball cap and also wore a laborous grin. It seemed painful as he gorged gulps of air and tiresome as he expelled it through some seemingly beautiful musical osmosis exchange--turning city smog into life-changing melodies. But if his presence alone didn't draw my eyes hungrily at what was going in his life, the music he created surely did.

I caught a smile as I observed him speaking to Trudi, an elderly woman dressed in nursing whites. She walked directly up to him as if old friends..engaged him and asked for a song. She was generous with her time and conversation. The man in the blue baseball cap reached slowly for his golden pipe and began playing a familiar tune. Although Trudi stood with her back to me, I could tell from her posture and the way she lilted her head back a little, that she was transported to a time and place that made people around her envious. As she clutched her heart and quickly and discretely wiped the corner of her eye, she generously reached into her pocketbook and handed into his crumpled felt cap layed before him, her love offering. It was a beautiful capitalistic exchange.

He dabbed his forehead with a folded brown napkin--the kind I take from Starbucks and keep in my bag for those 'just in case' moments. You know--unexpected sneeze, embarrassing runny nose, or to wipe New York off of my hands or face.

He catches the eye of a little boy with his mother and this...this generates a smile on the old mans face. Without warning, the chords of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" billows from his horn. It's almost as if the entire environment shifts for a brief moment. I noticeable recognition and gentle smiles cross the faces of those of us around him. Stressful-faced drones recently raised from the gallows of city tunnels turn towards the direction of the sound, and the pressure of long hot work days are instantly and dramatically diffused. I, we, are individually transported to a memory--a lovely distant thought--an innocent and happy recollection. It is amazing what wonders this wizard has concocted with his sword.

Noah, the little boy, is now seated on his daddy's lap, just a lap away from the man in the blue cap. And he jumps with delight at having his parents with him, experiencing this magical moment, whilst the immediate world around him is washed in sounds of wine and dark brewed brown coffee. Elegant sheers of eggplant organza and lavendar tiffany drift through the evening sunset and permeates the New York noise; amid the clangs and klops of shoes, the clinks from dog leashes and the jarring sounds from the monstrous asphalt creatures, the man in the blue cap is fighting this fight. Thankfully for us all, he is winning.

38 Things Learned..

#38 - Second guessing someone's motives is still guessing. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Hope is the thing that keeps the disease of doubt away.

#37 - One key to loving life is appreciating where you are, no matter what. There are lonely days that I long for company and coupled silece. Then I think that my times of solace and independance are the things many dream and pray for. I think its better to be single and at peace right now, then to be married with contention.

A week before my birthday...

It's rainy outside. And as I look out to the brownstones in the distance through my living room windows, through the water-stained glass, I'm wondering what the next year will bring. I'm thinking about the things that I've done so far--nothing ground shaking or extra spectacular to anyone else. but to me, a life well worth living so far. 38 years old almost gone, and on to year 39. Maybe I should be thankful for the top 38 things in my life so far. Maybe that would give me a self-fulfilling feeling of accomplishment. Or just put it all into perspective. Whatever the case, here's a few of the list of things that I am thankful for. Note: This in no means that there are only 38 things that I'm thankful for. Neither is it listed in an order from 'least to most' importance. But things that I am thankful for include:

39. Good Eyesight.

If you know me, you'll know that I see as well (or maybe slightly better) then a drunken one-eyed nearsighted drunk walking home late at night through a fog. Slightly. Nevertheless, I'm very thankful that I can see despite my...ahem...challenges. Ahem. I remember my first summer here and walking in Chelsea. And I remember how disoriented I'd be everytime I'd walk up from the subway. The kind of disorientation like getting off of the Tilt-A-Whirl the first time you ride it on a Friday night. The excitement is tangible and the sounds of the fair are loud in your ears. You take the first step off after peeling yourself from the corner of the car and the world is still dizzying but the thrill is at level 10. Stepping into the humid sunlight felt better than the oven-baked platform 2 stories underground. But the disorientation was almost overwhelming. I pulled to the side of the busy sidewalk as people brushed past me, and I tried to focus on a stationary object in the distance and catch my breath. It was as I stared off in front of me that my eyes focused on a man walking towards me. He wasn't anyone necessarily noticeable, until I realized that he was holding a stick infront of him, tapping it rhythmically. I stood up straight and made sure to keep my distance. I stood there on the street fixated on this man tapping and walking before me. The thought of having to do that in the biggest, busiest, nosiest city in the country blew me away. How can this man trust his senses and a stick to get around New York?? It left me in awe, but also reminded me how thankful I am that even with these maka, I'm still blessed beyond what my eyes can (or cannot) see.

Listening Isn't Easy

Many times, the noise of life (around us and self-created) can dull our hearing and make us deaf to the sounds that really should matter. You ever been driving while the music in your car is turned up. You're paying attention to the road, and thinking about the numerous things you have to address at some point in your day. Then out of the blue you realize that a police car, ambulance or a fire truck is right behind you--blaring horns, wildly flashing lights. And it's trying to get in front of you. Then you notice all the cars around you have slowed or pulled off to the side, and you're the hindrance. Hmmm....a little shame, yeah?

Today I was walking back to work from doing some errands at lunch and listening to Mary J. Blige's new song, 'I Am.' I'm hearing the chorus, and feeling the beat--'Mary has a hit,' is what I'm thinking to myself. I hear the words and think of people in my life that I could probably sing this song to. The words go like.."Ain't nobody gonna treat you better. Ain't nobody gonna touch you better. An't nobody gonna love you better, Boy, than I am, than I am" And I'm thinking to myself--'that's right, Laine. Anyone would be a straight fool to leave you!'. As I continue to talk to myself and move to the song, the words take root--and instead, it begins to resonate in my spirit. Instead of just hearin the beat, the melody and the chorus, I listen with my heart to the words. Then I instantly feel the Holy Spirit speak through these words..."When you're far away and I'm not around. And temptation fills your heart. Think of all the ways that I'm faithful, babe. And to replace me would be hard, 'cause there's nobody. Ain't nobody gonna treat you better. Ain't nobody gonna touch you better. Ain't nobody gonna love you better. Boy, than I am, than I am." I start to cry, because I know that God's faithfulness is to continually woo me back to Him. Only Love would do that.

Have you ever been in a situation with people in your lives, where you take their presence for granted. So much so, that you forget to listen to them--their thoughts, their fears, their victories and their loss. What's worse is when we fail to hear their cries for attention or help. Your hearing has become so dull and worn, that the only thing that has grown keenly is your impatience and indifference.

How's your hearing? Are you busy filling your ears with so many things that you don't listen anymore? So consumed with the noise of life that you fail to listen to what people mean behind what they say. Can you possibly be so stubborn to your ideals and values, that you deafen your senses to see those around you that need your help? Been there, done that--so I know both sides of the coin. Pray that people listen more. And pray that you listen to the Holy Spirit in your daily life so that you can be reached by God--and in turn, reach those around you.

Some Lessons Learned Recently...

Some advice from lessons I've recently learned:

1. When you're given a gift, just say 'thank you' and if you must, be gracously grateful. Nothing irks me more then someone who can't receive a gift.

Mind you, I know this came into my mind because I'm the very person who needs to hear this advice. As much as I get annoyed when gifts I give aren't readily received, I know that I do the same thing. That's why its important for me to live these lessons I've learned. If you ask to hear from God, He'll speak. Hebrews 4:12 says that His Word is like a double edged sword, exposing the deepest parts of our nature and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart.* I'm learning to listen to God's voice--and to say 'thank you.'

2. Don't let your thoughts convince you that what you're thinking, is reality. Assuming anything is for asswipes.

There were a couple of times that I thought my sister was mad at me. 'Why is she mad at me? I didn't do anything to her!' When I asked her directly if there was a problem, she told me 'no,' without any attitude. She was just tired and her phone was being difficult, and I was overreacting to my own assumptions. Don't let the devil make you crazy--he's a liar from the beginning.**Lies enjoys putting little seeds of hate or doubt to disrupt your love life. This leads to assumptions and opens the door to strife. If you believe in Love, you have to trust Love. And trusting Love means you also should be able to confront Lies with Truth. When lies want to tell you something negative about someone, make sure you make decisions based on Love. Or else your assumptions will do nothing but bring you grief.

3. When given an opportunity, whatever it may be, it is always best to focus on that moment and enjoy it-live in it-experience its totality-and be present in it.

We all have opportunities to learn something. To grow in some way. To gain insight into an old experience. Or to ponder a new thought. Whatever the circumstance, open your heart and mind to let God teach you something. But more importantly, to let God encourage you to live each moment given. Take it in---every moment, so that you leave it with no regrets, and you make every moment count for something.

Just a few thoughts on my mind.

*Hebrews 4:12 (Amp) For the Word that god speaks is alive and full of power (making it active, operative, energizing, and effective); it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and (the immortal) spirit, and of joints and marrow (of the deepest parts of our nature), exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart.

**John 8;44 (Amp) You b elong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. when he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

***Psalm 119:130 (Amp) The entrance and unfolding of Your words give light; their unfolding gives understanding (discernment and comprehension) to the simple.

Hau'oli Makahiki Hou, 2010

Aloha...it's been awhile since I've written. As I drove away from JFK, with sadness and snow in fron to fme, and the images of my family in my getting smaller in my rearview mirror, I reminded myself that in order for them to know more about me and my life, I need to write more. I need to let them know that instead of just 'thinking' that I love them, I can document it so that the world wide web could continually perpetuate the feelings and thoughts that traverse my mind.

So here it is again...

I'm sitting on this blow up bed that my sisters slept on. There is Simon & Garfunkel singing on my flatscreen and the smell of honey, jam and ham fill the entire apartment. I'm thinking of all the things that I've done this past two weeks and thinking of all the things I wished we'd done. No regrets--just wishes. Then I think of the things that we were able to do, and then get a little tired. And chilly. I'm tired and need a rest. Happy New Years...