A good life lesson I'm continually learning is determing my self-worth, and staying the course once that price has been established. How many times have I had to stop myself from commiting myself to a job or volunteer for an activity. Then not to long after, I felt like I'd gotten myself into the middle of something that was bigger than I could handle. You feel me? For example, I get asked to volunteer with a project. First response-'Sure, no problem!' Happy inside to please the requestor, but still neva check the calendar yet. They walk away (hang up the phone, get off of the computer, etc.), THEN I realize/remember that I have something to do that particular time I just volunteered for. Of course, before my conversation ended, I was complimented on being so thoughtful and generous for helping/volunteering/giving something. Now, I feel guilty and like a jerk, since I just committed myself to something that I can't possibly back out of.
That's when the problems begin. For far too long, I've been writing checks that my ass can't cash.
Why?, you ask. Well, because at that point I'm usually trying to save face from having to back-out. 'And they said such nice things about me! I can't possibly back-out now. I can only imagine what they'd think of me then!'
That's the crazy thoughts going through my mind.
So what I do instead, is stress myself out, trying to figure out how i'm going to come up with something I can't possibly get/afford, or strategize on how I'm going to be at two places (sometimes I've triple booked!!) at the same time. (If I only believed in cloning---grrrr...). In my mind, all the stress is compounded by my yearning to stick to my word, as well as please the other person/people. In the end, I end up compromising my value and my self-worth by putting others before myself. Such wasteful and undue pressure is completely unnecessary and all stupid, because nobody put that on me. I did it!!!
Now, having a self-less outlook on life is admirable. I know that. It's a quality that not many posesses. But it also is something that can be accomplished without sacrificing personal peace. It is also something that determines the way in which you are perceived.
I'm the first to believe in the principles of sacrifice, selflessness, commitment and honor. I believe in these values and know that I try to exemplify them in my life. Having said that, I also have learned that I can do nothing for others if I'm no good to myself. In this lesson learned, I've also developed a healthy dose of shutting my mouth and self-control. I get it--if I can't do, give, volunteer, help out, or entertain it, it's not happenin'.
So how much does stress and anxiety cost? Well buddy, that's free. All it takes is a loose tongue and little scruples.
